I just saw another meathead post on X / Twitter about not caring what other people think about you. These posts are pretty popular. On one level, this makes sense: what a source of relief it is to know you don’t have to care what other people think about you. Just do what you want to do, free of worry.

But doesn’t something seem a little off about this? If you do whatever you want to do, are you really going to get the best results? Are you really going to have the best network, the closest friendships, the most trusting work relationships? When they know you do whatever you feel like doing and you don’t care what other people think, are people going to say yes to you, prioritize you, include you in key discussions and decisions?

Pretty obvious, right?

So, where does that leave us?

Let’s solve this puzzle, because it is solvable. There is a world in which you don’t have to be plagued by worrying about what other people think. But it requires you being intentional, instead of doing whatever you feel like doing.

You are an experience. Other people experience you. The experience they have with you determines how they feel about you, how they treat you, and the decisions they make about you.

If you put the energy into being a positive, cooperative, open, productive experience for other people, that is what creates attraction and inclusion. That is what makes you more appealing to other people. And when you are appealing, people want you around, care what you think, and consider you in their decisions.

If you are a negative, uncooperative, closed-minded, unreliable experience for people, that is what creates rejection and exclusion. That is what makes you less appealing. And people won’t want you around, won’t care what you think, and won’t consider you in their decisions.

And they shouldn’t.

When most humans do whatever they want to, free of worry, they generally end up consistently doing unappealing things.

That’s dumb.

So, let’s be smart, instead. Let’s be a positive, cooperative, open, productive experience. You’ll start being much more successful with a lot more people, a lot more often. But not everyone. Because there are people out there who, even when you’re positive, cooperative, open, and productive, still choose to not be in return.

Those are the ones where you stop caring what they think.